So I have a rocky relationship with some of the people that are supposed to be considered some of the most important people in my life and I can honestly admit it has affected me greatly in many areas of my life. I know what you're saying, Lisa, who doesn't or maybe even to a greater variety of the phrase. But, nevertheless, it still hurts. To be honest, I am an extremely Type A personality. You know the type; competitive, outgoing, ambitious, but sometimes too impatient and definitely stuck inside of their heads the majority of the time. Perfection is what I thrive upon; so naturally, the imperfection of my seemingly perfect life bothers me more than most. If you're anything like me, you get stuck on what I like to call the "shoulda, coulda, would'ves." Those moments or relationships that should have happened or could have and even would've happened if someone just took the initiative to tell you how they felt or treated you differently. But, the thing is, those things didn't happen and they won't happen... so now here you are left with the pieces trying to figure out how to put the puzzle of your life back together. This has caused me a great deal of stress, anxiety, ... depression even, but what it has also taught me is strength, determination, and fortitude. So now you're thinking.. alright, awesome, that's all well and good but where are the tips to help me? How do I get out of the dark holes in my life? Here are the tips that have helped me conquer my past:
1. "You can either decide to get bitter or get better."
This is one of my favorite quotes to live by. I heard it from a motivational speaker in high school and it has resonated with me since. This saying rings true however because honestly, we have the choice to decide how we are going to deal with situations and how we will let them affect our moods throughout the day.
2. Memories are not the problem.
Memories only have power if we choose to give them power. We may not be able to change what has happened to us, but we can choose to accept the things that we can't change. There is a certain power in this truth.
3. Letting go is essential.
If we don't choose to let go of the past, then we can't choose to move forward. There is a saying on my campus by Boniface Wimmer that goes "Forward, always forward, everywhere forward." Essentially, this quote means that "Man's adversity is God's opportunity." So choose to willingly let go and let God, trusting that you will make it through your trial.
4. Deal with your past.
I know, this sounds counterproductive. I just told you to let go of your past and now I'm telling you to open back up that can of worms. Hard as this may be, you have to understand the complexity of what's eating at you so that you can fix it and ultimately let it go. For me, relationships are hard, so I put myself in as many situations as possible so that I can learn to break down the four walls I built up around myself and learn to be vulnerable and trusting again. Trust me, I know it's easier to hurt than to deal with any of this. But there is a reason the phrase goes "The grass is always greener on the other side." Open yourself up so you grow and experience that side more fully.
5. Find out who you are.
Finding out who you are is one of the ultimate feelings of freedom. But you can't do this unless you stop victimizing yourself by keeping yourself in the jail that you call your life. It's easy to compare yourself to another. You begin having thoughts like, "Well if I were someone else or if I was more this or that than this wouldn't have happened to me." Remember that your story is unique.. no one else can live the same life you lived or feel the same way you did. Allow these hardships to add to the vast beauty that is your life. Choose to unlock the cell.
6. Remember your scars are beautiful.
I think this last point does a pretty good job of explaining itself. Everyone has a past; secrets they don't want brought to light that maybe they are embarrassed or ashamed about. The important thing to remember here is that it's often these deepest thoughts we keep to ourselves that bonds us to others. Allow yourself to be seen and for your story to be heard. Your scars are the most beautiful thing about you. Remember, you did more than just break.. you survived.
I began this post with a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." This quote as well as many others from the movie have resonated with me. Remember that you are not crazy for feeling both happy and sad. A lot of times, it's hard for me to take my own advice. But, at the end of the day the most important thing is that you tried. Know that God is always with you and that even in your loneliest and darkest of moments he provides a way of escape for you. Just keep your head up to the sky and your feet planted on the ground; knowing that you will survive this storm.
